#The notebook script full#

Have you seen the papers? Your wedding is the most important thing to happen in South Carolina in the 40s! YouвЂ™re going to have SO much sex with James after he sees this! 'And so Ryan consigned himself to a lifetime of jerking off and sobbing, and you're supposed to love him for that.'Д®VERY WOMAN IN TOWN gushes over RACHELвЂ™S WEDDING DRESS. Put on this strawberry-blond wig and pearls and letвЂ™s get busy.

So you want to go out and do stuff? I mean, I dig staying in and being called вЂњRachelвЂќ all night, but we havenвЂ™t even had a seafood shack scene yet. RYAN deals with his ANGUISH by humping JAMIE BROWN. So when do they cross the Fire Swamp and get captured by the six-fingered guy?Д®XT. вЂњBut he was James Marsden, so you know where this is going.вЂќ You have no choice but to do just that.Д«itch, do you want a diamond the size of a kumquat or not? You should, because IвЂ™m exactly the kind of guy your parents want you to marry. Welp, I never heard from Ryan and youвЂ™re pretty hot when youвЂ™re not jacked up to hell, so IвЂ™ll give you a shot. The best you can hope for is a sponge bath. Yeah, good luck getting any part of your anatomy to work again. вЂњAnd Rachel gave the boyfriends in the audience something to look at, finally.вЂќ RACHEL tends to a FULL-BODY CAST with the face of JAMES MARSDEN while dressed in a UNIFORM straight out of NIGHT SHIFT NURSES 2.

вЂњJoan hoarded his letters to Rachel instead of just burning them, thinking she might one day need last-minute redemption.вЂќ вЂњFor the next 365 days, out of either love or mental breakdown, Ryan gave himself writerвЂ™s cramp to distract from his blue balls.вЂќ

#The notebook script full#

You canвЂ™t leave! I danced in a third-class bar full of drunk Irishmen for you!ДЇor the last time, I am NOT Leonardo DiCaprio. YouвЂ™re a perfect vanilla porcelain angel and I, despite being honest, hardworking and cheek-pinchingly adorable, am obviously scummier than the tub drain in a Cambodian brothel. You might get a disease! Or a fetus! Or worst of all вЂ“ a lower income tax bracket! RYANвЂ™s friend KEVIN CONNOLLY runs in.Дude! RachelвЂ™s parents are freaking the fuck out! She was supposed to be home at 11 and itвЂ™s already 11:01!. You know, from when slave owners lived here. IвЂ™m going to restore this house to its proper grandeur. It was a magical summer of poetry, swimminвЂ™ holes, and not having sex.вЂќ вЂњSo Rachel dated Ryan, despite the fact that his nuts would be inside his ribcage if he didnвЂ™t look like Ryan Gosling. (yanked off-screen with comically large hook) God, FINE! YouвЂ™re lucky Some Guy is completely inconsequential. She and SOME GUY get on the FERRIS WHEEL. IвЂ™ll take Some GuyвЂ™s pornstache over your Hollywood grubbiness any day. RYAN GOSLING spots RACHEL MCADAMS at a carnival with SOME GUY and stalks approaches her. вЂњOnce upon a time, in a land called Idyllic North Carolina Town #37B.вЂќ IвЂ™m here for a reason necessitating copious quantities of pills, right? HowвЂ™s you, baby? I brought this movieвЂ™s title justification and IвЂ™m going to read it to you for six straight hours.